The Thing Between Us

Leaves of brown and gold slowly fell into a downward spiral as the cold December breeze blew through the vast field. Branches of the Acacia trees that bordered the oval danced a gentle beat, swaying left and right like an intoxicated gypsy. The campus has transitioned rapidly in the span of a week: from crowded, loud, and exciting to empty, quiet, and still. There seemed to be a sacred silence−an unspoken agreement to keep the peace that was only allowed to be disturbed by the hum of automobiles which occasionally passed by.

Will it rain today?

Louisa thought as she walked on the cobbled pathway at the edge of the Sunken Garden. Every step she took made click-clack noises which echoed, competed even, with the roar of the engine of the almost empty ikot jeep that drove parallel to her.

After several steps, she decided to leave the comforts of the cemented pavement. She struggled to keep her balance as her skyscraper heels made it almost impossible to walk on softer ground. She had almost tripped twice when she decided to remove her shoes. The soil was slightly cold and damp, a far cry from the tiled floors that Louisa was so used to walking on. The corners of her mouth slowly lifted as grass tickled the soles of her feet; her stockings not doing much to shield the piece of flesh that has now grown dirty.

Louisa settled at the base of an Acacia tree overlooking the lush green Bermuda and overgrown weeds. She looked at the sky once more before closing her eyes and losing herself in the stillness around her.

She had almost fallen asleep to nature’s lullaby when she caught a whiff of a familiar scent; a scent that was kept in the safest corner of her memory. It was a cool musk, one that smelled like morning due, mint, and freshly cut grass. It was the kind of smell that lingered, one that sent shivers down your spine, and made goosebumps appear in every inch of your skin. It was a scent that sends Louisa in euphoria, and caused all her senses to go on frenzy.

“I can’t believe you still wear the same perfume” she mumbled still with her eyes closed.

“And I can’t believe you still wear your hair that long” a deep voice answered.

Louisa opened her eyes only to be greeted by dark brown orbs covered by a thick layer of clear glass with black metal frames. The afternoon sun forbid her from clearly seeing anything other than the man’s eyes. She adjusted her position to let her company take a seat beside her. Louisa turned her head for a second to look at the man on her right. He still had the same figure, the same tan, even the same taste in wardrobe color. Only this time, he wore a long-sleeved shirt instead of a polo.

“Hi” she greeted before shifting her gaze straight ahead, looking at nothing, focusing nowhere.

“Hi, Isa” he greeted back and smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me Isa, Zachary?”

“And didn’t I tell you to just call me Zach?”

“I’ll stop when you stop” she said and cocked her head to the side.

“I can’t”

“You can if you want to”

“But I don’t know if I want to”

Louisa turned to look at Zach. She wanted to know if he was mocking her. But instead of a short glimpse, she ended up tracing every edge, curve, and line of Zach’s face. She noticed the fine lines in his forehead that would’ve been invisible if she wasn’t sitting so close to him. She noticed the short stubbles under his chin which may have been spared by the blade this morning when he shaved. She noticed that he has grown old and yet he still stayed the same. He was still the Zach that she knew.

“Well, you should” Louisa said with conviction when she finally regained her composure.

“Should I really?” Zach raised an eyebrow at the woman who was sitting a good ten inches from him.

He looked at Louisa and saw the changes time did to her face. There was already a hint of crows-feet at the edges of her eyes. Bags under her lower lids became more prominent too. Her youthful glow has slightly vanished but she was beautiful just the same. The only thing that stayed the same was her complexion. She was still fair, far too fair for Zach’s liking.

“I knew I’d find you here” Zach said as he shifted his gaze from Louisa to the sole infrastructure that sat in the middle of the field―an old soccer goal covered in mud and rust.

“Took you long enough”

“Eight years” he mumbled.

“Yeah, eight years” Louisa agreed. She too has focused her eyes on the soccer goal.

“I’ve been going here though; same time, same day, same spot for the past eight years” she admitted.

“I’ve been going here too but I never saw you. Not even once” Zach faced Louisa but she stayed unmoved.

“I never stayed long” she said.

“Ofcourse. You were always going places”

“So were you”

“But I did go here every day hoping that―”

“I guess timing was a problem” Louisa cut him off. She felt her voice break a little as those words flowed out of her mouth.

“Timing has always been a problem for us” Zach said.

Louisa moved. Zach moved. They turned to look at each other and their eyes connected for the first time after eight years. They began a silent conversation filled with questions that have been kept for ages; questions that have yet to be answered.

Louisa was the first one to break eye-contact. She gulped the lump that has started to form in her throat. Zach’s presence was dragging her back to an abyss that she has long escaped. She was slowly drowning in his words. She was being pulled and she didn’t want to. She needed to stay afloat to hear what she had been longing to hear all this time. She wanted answers. She needed answers.

“What are you looking at?” Zach asked.

“The sky. Do you think it would rain today?” Louisa turned to look at him. A sharp pain emanated from Zach’s chest as he remembered a similar conversation that they had almost a decade ago. He wondered if Louisa was making him nostalgic on purpose or if it was a harmless question that she asked out of habit.

“I don’t think it would. The sky is pretty clear today.”

"Hmm…I thought so”

“Do you want it to rain though?” he asked.

The question hung in the air as Louisa’s insides churned in agitation. Bile started to rise to her mouth as her stomach twisted itself in knots. She knew that Zach’s question was more than just about her preference on weather conditions. She was aware that her answer had the power to end whatever communication they’re having or more concisely, trying to have.

“I’m not sure yet. Maybe not now” she whispered.

Atleast not for now.

She thought.

They sat quietly letting the whooshing of the breeze and rustling of leaves fill the gap that was left when they decided to stay silent. It wasn’t an awkward silence though, but it wasn’t a comfortable one either. There was tension in the air caused by the salad of emotions that none was willing to express just yet.

He’s still afraid of confrontations.

Louisa thought.

She’s still holding-on to her ego.

Zach thought.

It was like old times; both wanted to talk but none had enough courage to do the talking. They waited, and waited, and waited until Time put its hand down and ended the waiting for them. Their worlds slowly drifted apart and neither Zach nor Louisa did anything to prevent that from happening.

They just let Time pull them away from each other.

They stayed silent.

They did nothing.

And now eight years had flown past them but they’re still unsure if they’re willing to stop playing the waiting game.

“Louisa” Zach whispered.

“Yes?”

“Do you regret meeting me?” he asked point blank. There was no use in beating around the bush anymore. He has been beating around the bush for a very long time and it didn’t do him any good.

“No, I don’t” she answered. Louisa was taken aback with her new found courage. She knew that this was coming and she has rehearsed everything in her head, but she never thought that she would actually say those words out loud.

This was it. There was no turning back now. The gates of the dam have been opened and the only way to shut it close again is by emptying it out.

“You’re one of the best things that happened to me in college” she continued. Zach felt an electric current pass through his veins. Deep down he knew that Louisa would give him this answer but fear always got a hold on him so he didn’t dare ask.

“How about you? Do you regret meeting me?”

“Yes” Zach replied. Louisa felt like she just got punched in the gut. Her inner voice screamed at her to flee the scene but her heart wanted answers no matter how much those answers hurt. She was just about to ask him another question when Zach spoke.

“I regret meeting you and not doing anything about it. I just let it end there…you and me just knowing each other” he said. This revelation made Louisa feel even worse. New questions rushed through her head, popping like corn kernels exposed to extreme heat. She felt queasy and disoriented but she stayed.

“Did you even love me at all?” she asked. Zach nodded in response.

“Then why did you walk away?”

“Because I wasn’t enough for you…I knew I wasn’t enough for you” he said miserably.

“That wasn’t for you to decide, Zach” Louisa said softly, trying hard not to let her bitterness show.

“You were unfair. You didn’t even give us a chance because right there and then you concluded that it wouldn’t work” she said calmly, however, Zach knew better. He could sense the anger beneath Louisa’s cool façade.

“I didn’t want to break you”

“You think you didn’t?”

“It would’ve been worse if I pursuit you”

“Then why did you let me fall in the first place?”

Louisa finally asked the question that has been bothering her the most. She’s a perfectly rational woman who most of the time chose to follow her head over her heart. She planned everything in her life. She made goals and steps to achieve those goals. She made sure not to let her feelings get in her way.

Louisa was not easily distracted but that changed when she met Zach.

She didn’t want him in her life at first. She pushed him away by doing all sorts of crazy things just to avoid him. She tried to act stoic amidst the grand gestures that Zach pulled-off just to make her feel comfortable with him.

But he was persistent.

He kept texting her, buying her lunch, walking her to her car, and befriending everyone who she held dear. He made her feel like she’s worth something; he made her feel like she was a precious stone that should be protected and taken care of. And when he finally got her heart, he ran-away.

He opened a door and left without even closing it.

And Louisa was determined to finally shut that door and bolt it for good.

“Zach, I want to understand why”

“I wanted you. I wanted us”

“You had me. You had all of me and yet you still left”
“No, I didn’t Louisa. You still kept a piece of you hidden in the walls you built around yourself. I was always the one showing…always the one talking. I always felt like there was a bigger chance of me losing you than you losing me. You made me feel uncertain”

Louisa’s brows furrowed at Zach’s words. A mix of anger and guilt washed over her. She never thought of it that way. Whenever she played the memories in her head, Zach was always the one at fault. He was the only one to be blamed for this tragedy. But after hearing his side, she realized that she was at fault too. He was right. She wanted to keep him, wanted to be with him, but she didn’t show or say it. She tried to err on the side of caution by staying mum. Louisa’s thoughts and words were most sacred to her. Zach would have gotten complete power over her if she told him what she felt.

“Are you still mad at me?” Zach asked her.

“No…I realized that maybe we were just destined to fall in love with each other but we were never meant to be together” Louisa said.

“You really think so?” he asked. Louisa looked at him, smiled and nodded.

“You’re still sticking to your no second-chances rule?”

“I think we got way too many chances the last eight years, but we never took advantage of it. I’m happy now, Zach. I’m not sure if I could handle anymore complications that involve you. Let’s not destroy the remaining respect that we have for each other”

“Well then, I’m happy for you” Zach stated as he brushed loose strands of hair away from Louisa’s face. She cringed at his touch for the path where his skin met hers burned and tingled. Once again she felt herself gravitating towards the man she loved eight years ago. Her inner voice started screaming, commanding her to get to her feet and leave.

“How’s he?” asked Zach. Louisa cocked her head to the side as she tried to make sense of his question. Then it hit her; he was asking about her boyfriend.

“There’s no he” she said.

“Ah…”

“How’s she?” she asked.

“There’s no she” he answered.
The two looked at each other one more time before they shifted their gaze to the sky. The once pristine blue sky was now a canvas of gray and black. The December breeze was now harsher and colder, making both Louisa and Zach shiver.

“I think it’s time to go. It looks like it’s going to rain” she said as she stood from her spot. Zach did the same and he helped her brush the dirt off Louisa’s skirt.

If it rains, my feelings for him would be gone.

Louisa thought.

If it rains, I would lose her forever.

Zach thought.

If it rains, this is going to be the end for us.

They both thought.

That afternoon, it finally rained.